So we are still waiting on "the list" in hopes of finding our baby. But, we have started to lose that excited feeling, too. I know that sounds weird, but it is how we feel. With so many "calls" and possibilities, our emotions go up and down. What a journey!! I hope that someday I will be able to share exciting news with you, though.

How do you know when God is answering a prayer? How do you know that you are doing what God wants you to do? I know we will feel peace in our hearts, but it feels like we've felt that many times, to find something doesn't happen. We agreed years ago that no matter what happens (as far as the wanting a family situtaion) that our marriage is more important. If God's plan for us doesn't involve a baby, then we would enjoy each other, and cherish the good thing we have. Jim & I have a lot of fun traveling, playing with our dogs (we have a new puppy), playing PS3 and hanging out with friends. We laugh a lot at silly things and we enjoying being goofy. It's nice to sometimes stay up late watching a movie, or sleep in on a Saturday. I know we do things that would change if a baby came into our lives, though. The point is, that if God is saying No, we have to appreciate what He said Yes to.......US!!
How long can the nursery stay furnished, yet empty? How long do we not use the 2nd bedroom in our home? When do we close that chapter to move on in life? What will it feel like to move on?
So many things go through my mind.
When we couldn't get pregnant on our own, was that God's way of saying "No"?
When we had a miscarriage was that God's way of saying "Not this child"?
When we started the adoption process and felt excitement and anticipation, was that God's way of saying "Yes this is it"?
When the one baby that we felt God had led us to and that all the events pointed to praising God for answering a prayer -- failed. Was that God's way of saying "Not my plan for you"?

I never dreamed I'd be at this cross-road in life. I never dreamed I'd feel empty for a baby yet full of love for my husband. I never knew what it'd feel like to watch my friends and family members have babies and become mommies. If I were to write my book, I would have never started this chapter.

BUT, we have a God who is greater that all our desires and plans. He sees the big picture and He knows where He wants us to be. He started that chapter in my life. He also started the greatest chapter of my life so far.............. marrying my best friend and loving our life together!!

So as we continue to wait, but look for any answers, we continue to ask for your prayers.

I hope this blog hasn't left you feeling like I'm crazy. Or that I'm not making sense. I haven't given up on this blog..........just not sure what to post anymore with no new news.