Sorry it's late

Ok, so many of you have asked what happened with the final visitation. As you know, motherhood can keep you busy, so that's my excuse for this late post.
On the day of the final visit, the SW showed up to pick Thomas up. When I opened the door, he immediately clung to my leg and began crying. The SW is very sweet, and she sat down and tried to talk to him. He buried his head into my leg and wouldn't stop sobbing. I gave his diaper bag to the SW and we headed to her car. Usually Thomas was taking her hand and walking out to her car, but not the case on this day. I picked him up and carried him to her car. She opened the door and tried to take him away from me. He would not let go of me. Clutching tightly to my chest, he began crying hard. I told the SW this was very hard on me, and I was having a hard time with this. She assured me that if I put him in the carseat and walked away, that she'd calm him down. I did just that and closed the door on my crying baby with tears running down his face and those big eyes looking confused and saying "mama, mama". I walked into the house and broke down myself in tears. I prayed that God would give him peace and that he'd know that Momma would be right there to pick him up. I kept thinking, this is it. The last one, just get through it. I drove down the hill to pick him up. When the SW pulled up next to my car, Thomas was all smiles saying "Momma, Momma". I couldn't get him out of the carseat fast enough. I was anxious to have my boy back in my arms. The SW shared with me some information, and said the birthmom asked if she knew if we'd ever let her visit him. Possibly for his birthday in December. The SW said she didn't know. After seeing how much this upset Thomas, Jim & I decided NO on the future visits. She can email us, and we'd share information and pictures. But we didn't want to continue to put Thomas through this. As mentioned a million times before. We are not going to hide the fact that he's adopted. However, when he's older, if he wants we'll give him her name and he can look for her. Nothing can change the facts about who she is and what she's done. She's his birthmom and I am his mom.
Ok so that's pretty much that on the visit.

That being said, now I'm looking for some advice on some things we're working on. Thomas is getting some more teeth, and Daddy has been busy at work. When Daddy's home, we spend a lot of time together as a family. Jim & Thomas get a lot of time together without me, too. Thomas hasn't been sleeping well. When it gets close to bed time, he rubs his eyes like he's tired and we begin our night-time routine. We take him to bed as he's almost asleep in our arms, only to wake up crying when we lay him in his crib. About 5 minutes after being put in his crib, he falls asleep. When we go in to check on him (before we go to bed) he looks at us with eyes wide open (like he's been lying there awake) and says "HI". Then when we kiss him good night and leave, he cries harder. A few nights we gave in and put him in bed with us. (Only like 3 nights in a 2 week period)
I know that's not a routine I want to make a habit, but what are we to do????
Last night, he screamed out "Dadda, Momma" louder and harder than we've ever heard. Both of us ran into his room and found him standing in his crib, holding his blanket with tears in his eyes. Jim had to leave very early this morning to a fire, so we again just gave in and put him in our bed. Jim & I are reading things and talking to friends with toddlers. So many tips, but not sure how to "try" all these things. We are hoping some of you have any helpful things to share.

Update on the visitation part of this process

We are asking your prayers for protection and peace for Thomas for his FINAL VISIT with his BM. The visit will be on Tuesday afternoon for 2 hours. The SW will pick him up at our house, 1 hour before the visit and return him 1 hour after. This is the FINAL visit with his BM. We have chosen to remain in contact if she chooses, via email ONLY. She has had his email address since January and has not emailed him once. Do we think she'll email him after this FINAL visit......probably not. But, that being said, it's a great way to communicate.
I am feeling a little anxious about having our son gone for 4 hours total. But we are reminded that God is in control and He has protected Thomas throughout this whole process.
So where does this put us?? Well we are 4 weeks (28 days) from the last trial. Remember she only has a 60 day grace period to file an appeal. So we only have 32 more days to wait to see if she does anything. If she doesn't file the appeal, we will move forward with the finalization process of making Thomas, Thomas James Huston.

I know I'm repeating some of the details in this post as previous. I just wanted you to know that we will soon be done with visits. Jim & I have chosen to share with Thomas (when he's older) that he is adopted. We have all the information about his BM if he ever chooses to look for her. However, we also have decided that contact with her will be very little or non-exsistant.

If the shoe fits........

Thomas is a little entertainer. He has so much fun doing things that make us laugh or take a picture of his sillyness. Why is it that every child feels like it's so much fun to wear "big shoes" and walk around the house?? I just love the smile on his face when he comes around the corner.

Big Boy now

Thomas has definetly hit a few milestones in his development. He is no longer going to the "baby" nursery, but the 2-3 year olds Sunday School class at church. He is saying many new words everyday and is very observant of everything we do.

The other day when he woke up from his nap, his "baba" was given in a sippy cup. I showed him that it was milk, and he drank it all up. That was Sunday afternoon, and we are here on Wednesday night and he hasn't had a real "baba" since. I hid them, just in case we have a back-slide and he won't drink out of the sippy. But, so far it's working out. He likes to drink through a straw, too!!! The child LOVES water, too. We have been a little light on the juice because he breaks out in a rash. Water and milk for this growing boy.

Bust a move....

Thomas loves to dance. His newest dance move is to twist and swing his arms. Occasionally he'll bend at the knees and shake his tush. So cute, I just love watching this little boy grow. Not a day goes by that he doesn't do something that makes me laugh.

A look back....

Can't believe 1 year ago, we were waiting the arrival of a little boy.
Post from August 7, 2009 A Quick History (Sort of) was a post from Jim about where we were in our infertility/adoption journey and spiritual walk with Christ.
God does answer prayers, in His time, on His will.
If you would have asked me this last year, I would have had a different story, as I was saddened by the loss of that baby. BUT, look at where we are today, Aug. 7, 2010!! What a blessing it has been to have Thomas in our lives. The joy we both felt as husband and wife, now has extended to being a Mommy & Daddy. Had that situation last August worked out, we would not have been available for Thomas' placement last November. When I look at our son running around and laughing, I am tearfully happy (such an oxymoron) that baby Jonathan didn't join our lives but Thomas did. God knows the bigger picture. He knows what is best. This journey has been long (too long at times) and we have shed many tears along the way. But looking back and looking around, it's all be worth the wait.....every minute of it. God is good, and his love endures forever!!

The last two visits

Friday will be the next visit with BM, which leaves one more. She is allowed the 1 visit, and I agreed to a 2nd for this reason:
This may be the last time for a long time, or forever that she'd be able to see him. He has no attachment to her. And the SW, whom he loves is with him at all times. This is for her from us. I feel for her in the sense that she is losing her child. BUT, we are thankful that the outcome is such and he's in our lives now.
We are almost done with these visits.

100% Boy

So yesterday was a 100% boy day for Thomas. Our town has a tractor parade the week of the country fair. (I know only in Ramona) Anyways, Papa came by and we walked up to watch the parade. Thomas had fun waving at the tractors as they drove by. His new word for the day was "taator" or as we would say tractor. So cute!!!

After dinner last night, we went out to play in the yard. While I was pulling weeds and sweeping the patio, I was watching Thomas grab hand fulls of dirt and walk to the back yard to throw at the wheel-barrow. I loved watching him enjoy playing in the dirt.....such a boy!! He then found a big stick and was using it like a walking stick to walk around. The yard is baby safe so there is nothing that can harm him, if we are with him. He'd stop, pick up a few dog balls and throw them. Again..total boy!! As I was picking up weeds to throw in the trash can, he couldn't help but push the trash can back to the back of the yard. All while making "ugh" noises like it was heavy. I loved it!! As I went back to sweep some more, he discovered the dog water bowl. Grabbed some rocks and threw them in the bowl. Then he dumped the water followed by an "uh oh".

As I turned around I noticed him rubbing the wet dirt on his feet and face. I didn't yell because after this play time we were headed to bath-time. He then wanted to help me fill up the dog bowl and put his toys away. We went inside to play with Papa, who had stopped by for a quick minute. Running around and laughing, jumping and doing somersaults. Dad & I were entertained by his energy and excitement. Papa left and we went to finish our night off with a big bath with all his toys. Today was a total boy day.

Love those dirty dirty hands