Ok, so many of you have asked what happened with the final visitation. As you know, motherhood can keep you busy, so that's my excuse for this late post.
On the day of the final visit, the SW showed up to pick Thomas up. When I opened the door, he immediately clung to my leg and began crying. The SW is very sweet, and she sat down and tried to talk to him. He buried his head into my leg and wouldn't stop sobbing. I gave his diaper bag to the SW and we headed to her car. Usually Thomas was taking her hand and walking out to her car, but not the case on this day. I picked him up and carried him to her car. She opened the door and tried to take him away from me. He would not let go of me. Clutching tightly to my chest, he began crying hard. I told the SW this was very hard on me, and I was having a hard time with this. She assured me that if I put him in the carseat and walked away, that she'd calm him down. I did just that and closed the door on my crying baby with tears running down his face and those big eyes looking confused and saying "mama, mama". I walked into the house and broke down myself in tears. I prayed that God would give him peace and that he'd know that Momma would be right there to pick him up. I kept thinking, this is it. The last one, just get through it. I drove down the hill to pick him up. When the SW pulled up next to my car, Thomas was all smiles saying "Momma, Momma". I couldn't get him out of the carseat fast enough. I was anxious to have my boy back in my arms. The SW shared with me some information, and said the birthmom asked if she knew if we'd ever let her visit him. Possibly for his birthday in December. The SW said she didn't know. After seeing how much this upset Thomas, Jim & I decided NO on the future visits. She can email us, and we'd share information and pictures. But we didn't want to continue to put Thomas through this. As mentioned a million times before. We are not going to hide the fact that he's adopted. However, when he's older, if he wants we'll give him her name and he can look for her. Nothing can change the facts about who she is and what she's done. She's his birthmom and I am his mom.
Ok so that's pretty much that on the visit.
That being said, now I'm looking for some advice on some things we're working on. Thomas is getting some more teeth, and Daddy has been busy at work. When Daddy's home, we spend a lot of time together as a family. Jim & Thomas get a lot of time together without me, too. Thomas hasn't been sleeping well. When it gets close to bed time, he rubs his eyes like he's tired and we begin our night-time routine. We take him to bed as he's almost asleep in our arms, only to wake up crying when we lay him in his crib. About 5 minutes after being put in his crib, he falls asleep. When we go in to check on him (before we go to bed) he looks at us with eyes wide open (like he's been lying there awake) and says "HI". Then when we kiss him good night and leave, he cries harder. A few nights we gave in and put him in bed with us. (Only like 3 nights in a 2 week period)
I know that's not a routine I want to make a habit, but what are we to do????
Last night, he screamed out "Dadda, Momma" louder and harder than we've ever heard. Both of us ran into his room and found him standing in his crib, holding his blanket with tears in his eyes. Jim had to leave very early this morning to a fire, so we again just gave in and put him in our bed. Jim & I are reading things and talking to friends with toddlers. So many tips, but not sure how to "try" all these things. We are hoping some of you have any helpful things to share.
3 comments:
Sorry i cant really help am in the same boat with my two and half year old son. He goes to bed pretty easily. Most nights he comes into our room sometime during the night. When my fiance is home he will take him back to bed. However on nights i am alone I get tired of the multiple trips and I usually let him sleep in our bed. Hope you can find a solution quickly.
Hi Trish,
Hope this helps.... having already raise children I can say.. that as long as he doesn't do it nightly, take him to bed with you. I know the "experts" will say a big NO to this but, sometimes kids just get scared. If it happens mostly after visitation, it's because he's scared and needs to know you are still there. Maybe he had a nightmare, maybe he's gotten real used to his surroundings and as they get older, other things start to scare them.
I remember in Ranchita, the howling of coyotes.... Stina actually looked out her blinds once and swears she saw a coyote looking back at her. At that age, 9-10, I would let her come and "camp out" beside my bed. This was of course after hugging her and reassuring her she is safe inside our home. None the less, still a little scared, I let her camp out in my room. I could still put my arm out and stroke her head or back.
I feel kids grow so fast.... I would regret it if I had made her stay in her room when she was still a little afraid.
oh i cried when i read about thomas clinging onto you and saying mamma when the sw took him off to see the bm.... thank the Lord that is now over!
hope you get good advice from friends w/ toddlers about sleeping, been too many years and they do things differently now! just love and reassure him you are there and never leaving him.....and pray pray pray!
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